full circle

I grew up a few miles from the ocean. In three different houses, we were always within walking distance of rolling waves and crashing surf. When my brother and I were old enough to take walks by ourselves, our destination seemed to always be either the library or the beach.

There was always a thrill that accompanied our walks down to the beach, especially on weekdays. There we were, first of all two kids high on independence, but also two homeschoolers. Same as today, kids out of school during weekdays got many sideways glances and comments.

We never did much at the beach. We walked. We sat. We stared out at the vastness, taking it all in. We contemplated.

Along the way I forgot how to do that. To simply sit and be and listen to waves.

Then I had kids. I became a mother and these little beings needed so much. Mostly, they needed me to sit and be and listen. So we went back to the waves and I learned again. With little ones running to and from, climbing rocks. My attention pulled five different ways, but still, the waves and surf calmed in the background.

My mother is in town, and we have been going and going each day. On Sunday we went to a spot that the kids had never been to, and we soaked in the sun and fall breeze and climbed over rocks and dipped toes into tidepools.

I sat and listened. The spot, Sandy Point, is just that, a point. Waves crashing on three sides of me, I sat in the sun. Just sat.

And then I thought about how parenthood continues to bring me, us, back to who we are at our inner most core.

Parenthood brings out the longings for life that we can not deny. Seeing how the kids live so uncomplicated and fully, and that we want that to continue for them, how can we suppress our own longing to be who we are? Not what is expected of us. Or who we think we need to be. But just simply be.

We are welcomed back. This parenting thing offers to bring us full circle. All we have to do is say yes and the thrill of being alive is ours.